So over to Catherine:
Today my son is 10 months old. The last 19 months have been slightly crazy for me since finding out I was pregnant! We were trying so it wasnt a huge shock, instead a very lovely surprise as we concieved very quickly. I found out 3 weeks before our wedding in September and the day before my family arrived from New Zealand for the wedding, so the first real chance my new husband and I had to talk about our baby was on our honeymoon! It didnt seem long until May when our little boy Elliot arrived. So I had gone from free singleton to a Mrs and a mum in just 8 months!
Then sadly 2 weeks later my Father died. Complete shock. Any new mother will tell you that the first few weeks of parenthood are a blur, but with dad dying it was all such a haze of tiredness and grief. He was in Thailand on holiday on his own when he passed, so there was the added complication of getting him home. My parents are divorced, and I have a younger sister so I felt it was my responsibilty to get him back. Something at the time that really helped as it gave me something to do. The funeral service was 18 days after we found out, a long time to sit and wait and think. I still have a lot of what ifs, and everyday a new question pops up about him in my head. There are no words to express the sadness I feel when Elliot does something new and I cant share it with him. Mothers day has just passed, and there was no call from him to say have a great first mothers day. This is only the start of the moments that he will miss, I know, and I hope time will help me heal to be able to cope a little more each day. Grief is a very strange thing. It can make you angry, sad, frustrated but sometimes I have even been happy. My dad was not a well man really, and now his pain is over. The one thing that gives me peace.
I am incredibly lucky to have THE most Amazing husband, a wonderful sister, and fantastic friends. Without whom these last few months I would be complete mess by now! ! Im not saying im perfect in anyway, I am human after all, but my life is certainly enriched by a few people in my life! One of these people has kindly let me guest in her blog!!
I could write paragraphs and paragraphs next on being a Mum and what it brings to your life, but alot of already people know that, and for the others who are yet to have children, there is no need to say.. if you want to know I hope one day you find out. All I could ever offer as advice would be to trust your instincts. Having a baby, means the whole world gets involved with your baby and what you should and shouldnt be doing! From family, and health workers to midwives and even random strangers! Yes that right random strangers who think they are able to to tell you in the middle of the supermarket or wherever you are, what they think your child needs! Yes becoming a Mum is daunting and nothing prepares you for it, but us women have wonderful instincts and they truly come into their own when you become a mummy, they are always right! Ive made the mistake of not trusting them on a couple of occasions and paid the price! Whether it meant a screaming filled trip to the shops, or one of those days that you just wish the ground would swallow you up! No one knows your baby like you, and also remember.. your baby has never had parents before so they too are learning how it will all work!
Life teaches us so many things, and gives us experiences every day. Some we would not want to go through, but happen regardless. I am a true believer in karma, and that everything happens for a reason. We may not ever understand those reasons, or know what they are, but there is a point to everything in life. Good or Bad. Somebody once said to me.. Stop shopping in a hardware store for a pint of milk.. you will never get what you want. I truly had a moment after hearing this and endeavour to apply it to my daily life. I am very prone to pre-empting the future and how things will be, and I forget to live in the here and now. Some would say thats the control freak in me.. and im slowly learning to let her go and become a more relaxed 'me' who takes in the seconds and savours them. Im not great at doing it all the time yet, but im getting there!!!! There were those who said on my wedding day I would be very Monica like from Friends, complete with headset, but to their surprise I was very chilled and relaxed!! Treat people how you wish to be treated, and if you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of each day and smile. Life is good.
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